I introduced my new, revolutionary, mental health improvement system—EUMENTICS™—in my New Year post last week. I’m telling you, it’s the real deal. I keep coming up with new stuff. Remember, EUMENTICS™ is always free, you just have to give me credit. Something like Yreka genius Mark C. O’Connor invented all this awesome-ness will be adequate.

I was a teacher so we have “Lessons” and not “Rules” in EUMENTICS™. And since I’m not a dick we have “recommendations” and not “requirements.”

(I recommend you review my last post!)

Lesson Three: never drive a car when you’re dead. Sorry, that’s just a Tom Waits ear worm.

Besides, who likes being told “never”? I suggest that no one likes never!

By now you are using the mute on your TV (Lesson One) and you are better prepared (Lesson Two) for “the slime oozing out of your TV set.” (Recommendation: listen to Frank Zappa’s “I’m the Slime.“)

So, how else can we improve our mental health? How can we build that path to wellness? How can we achieve the EUMENTICAL™ ideal?

Bob Marley had a song called “Coming in from the Cold” and there’s a lyric in there that goes well, the biggest man/you ever did see/was-was just a baby and that’s the magic formula. That leads to Lesson Three: always play reggae when watching sports on TV with the sound off and under the influence of a mild hallucinogen.

How do you like that? Even if you hadn’t followed my recommendation and reviewed our first two Lessons you still got them in Lesson Three! That’s something I learned by being a teacher. (Always repeat everything ad nauseum or they’ll forget, and even then, they’ll still forget.)

OK, here it is. Lesson Three: imagine everyone wearing diapers.

I had a roomie in college who used to say “everything’s funny in a chicken suit.” Well, I think diapers works, too. But if it works better to picture everyone in a chicken suit, then do that. (It’s very Eumentical™ to be flexible.) This sort of thing keeps people from getting under your skin. Once you see them in a ridiculous light, you’ll be more relaxed, don’t you think?

Oh, and listen to more reggae. (That’s a recommendation!)