We get told all the time to buy more stuff. If we really needed the stuff then we wouldn’t have to be told, am I right? I mean, we don’t need TV ads to tell us to get more food. We have hunger for that!

But capitalism depends on consumption. Make stuff, buy stuff, throw stuff away, buy new stuff. And on and on. Forever. Until the entire planet is a trash heap.

Most of the shit we buy we don’t need. We just buy it because we don’t know what else to do.

EUMENTICS™ is the path forward. This new science of mental health will set you free from the chains of consumerism!

We know that TV is bad for you. That’s why the practicing Eumenticist™ has learned and implemented the first two lessons:

Always watch sports with the sound off and always watch TV while in the grip of a mild hallucinogen.

And of course we need humor to cope with the recent horror that has been foisted upon us. That’s why we engage lesson three whenever we can:

Imagine everyone wearing diapers.

Lesson four (be sure to waste time) helps to free you from the Puritan Work Ethic and as well as the Tyranny of Modern Psychology and the horrors of FOMO.

Lesson five (learn to smile vacuously and say “I’m fine”) acknowledges the painful reality that we have to listen to idiots all day long.

Among those idiots are the people who write commercials. Good grief, commercials are really bad for you! I always love it when Budweiser tells us they are the “king of beers” and they keep telling us that over and over again to the point of nausea. If the beer is so great, why do they have to shove it down our throats? Can’t it stand on its own greatness? Of course not! It’s just another ordinary consumer product. Only the billions of dollars spent on marketing hype makes people think otherwise.

One thing we poor, struggling, wannabe Eumenticists™ can do is keep our wallets in our pockets. That brings us to lesson six:

QUIT BUYING STUPID SHIT YOU DON’T NEED.

Be creative. You probably already have what you need. Remember the three R’s (reduce-reuse-recycle). Shopping is not therapy. In fact, it is a symptom of the disease. We are all infected with the consumerist virus—it is our birthright as Americans. And I think we can all agree that real-life super-villain Jeff Bezos does not need any more Amazon customers. You’d think 300 million suckers would be enough, but apparently not. (If your business isn’t growing, it’s failing.)

Bob Marley says in “Redemption Song” (and I believe he stole this from Marcus Garvey) Emancipate yourself from mental slavery;/None but ourselves can free our minds.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.