Lesson Three in the Eumentical™ canon is imagine everyone wearing diapers.

This can be applied to groups or to individuals. For example:

There. I feel better already.

Let’s review. Here are the EUMENTICS™ Lessons so far:

Lesson One: always watch sports with the sound off.

Lesson Two: always watch TV while in the grip of a mild hallucinogen.

Lesson Three: imagine everyone (or someone in particular!) wearing diapers.

Lesson Four: be sure to waste time.

And now we’ve reached Lesson Five. All day long we have to listen to stupid shit. Am I right? Of course I am. How then does one stay on the Eumentical™ Path? How does one stay mentally healthy despite always swimming in a sea of shite? What does it take?

It’s simple.

Lesson Five: learn to smile vacuously and say “I’m fine.”

CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT VACUOUSLY MEANS.

This does not mean you have to BE vacuous. Just that everyone will THINK you are an empty, unthinking, harmless creature. This is very liberating. I used to teach high school kids. High school kids worry all the time about what everyone thinks about them. Then they grow up. (Well, some do.) And they learn two things: (1) no one really gave a shit about them long enough to think about them, and (2) it doesn’t make any difference what people think anyway, it only matters what YOU think!

So go forth and arm yourself with Lesson Five and all will be FINE.